Did you ever go out to eat and secretly (or unsecretly) study other couples to try and guess how long they’ve been married? It’s interesting to see the chemistry in all its different levels among them. The older couples are quiet and composed with sporadic conversation throughout the meal. They seem to be totally relaxed and at peace, sometimes almost too relaxed, as I’ve witnessed several falling asleep in seemingly mid-sentence (only one of them required a stretcher). The biggest disagreement comes in how much butter is being used on the rolls and how much salt is coming out of the shaker.
The younger couples, on the other hand, are animated with arms and elbows flailing as they want the love of their life to get the full visual of their story. They’re wide-eyed and bushy-tailed like they've trained for months for this night. With endless discussion, ice-breakers, and team-building exercises the night is never long enough for this couple. After dessert they’re checking out the breakfast menu. There isn’t any relaxing going on in this booth. They usually have at least one of their body parts in contact with the other and it’s not surprising to see a game of Twister or a make-out session happen before your very eyes.
Now, the middlers (as I like to call them) are those who are somewhere in between 10-20 years of marriage. They aren't in the young wild stallion love or old peaceful valley streams phase, so they're trying to figure out where they fit. Studying this couple can often be painful to watch, because you can sometimes see them fighting this in-between tension at the dinner date table. It almost seems like they're playing the "first one who makes a sound loses" game. You know the feeling of having to go to the bathroom really, really bad but you can't for whatever reason? But when you go...wow, pure happiness. It almost makes the wait worth it. Well, this experience is similar to what happens to a middler couple who receives a visit from their server or when the food comes. You can almost hear them groaning and laughing in relief as they see her coming to refill the water or when they pick up the fork to take a bite of the meatloaf. This couple actually seems to look for interruptions during their meal. They change all notifications on their phones to "all on" with special songs and alerts for each one - Email: Phil Collins' "Inside Out,"; Phone call: Cricket Chirp; Text: "Taps," Facebook: Price is Right theme song, etc., etc. They look out the windows with a quiet desperation that a giant bird will come crashing through or that a man will try to go through them like in the Windex commercials.
Maybe you could relate to one of these couples or maybe not. Maybe you're that couple that's been married for 15 years and you have a hard time connecting like you did when you were first married or maybe you're still spinning the arrow and crossing your arms after dessert. In any case, I believe the health of our marriage is a good indicator of the health of our marriage to God. That makes it vitally important to work on what needs worked on and not ignore it or look for the distractions. I think many of us have grown bored with God, and we're playing that game of not speaking. We keep doing the occasional date, because that's what we're supposed to do. We keep doing the weekend church thing, and maybe even the once-a-month volunteer thing, but it's not helping our indifference and apathy toward Him and what's important to Him.
Jesus to the church in Ephesus-
"But you walked away from your first love—why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall! "Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste..." Revelation 2:4-5 (Message)
So how do we change? How can we look at him the way we did back when we were first introduced...when we said, "I do?" How can we get to the place where He's what matters most, where the vows are something we believe we can live out? I believe we must go back to the place where He swept us off our feet, where we realized He was the One. I think what happens in our relationships with our spouses happens in our relationship with God. We place expectations that shouldn't and can't be carried out by those we love most, and when they don't come through, we hold on to it. And before long, they aren't who we thought or wanted or expected them to be.
God is always at the table and He's never distracted.
So, what if you had a dinner date with God? What would I see as I studied your table? What phase are you in, in your marriage with him? Are you re-setting your phone settings, staring out the window, looking for your food? Or are you so focused on His eyes and what He's going to say that you can't see or hear anything else? Because I can guarantee that there are going to be others in that restaurant wishing they were at your table.
The devil wants us to believe that there is something, someone better at another table, someone more suitable to us and what we want. It's the same lie that's dangled in our faces when we're sitting in our friends' nicer and bigger house or when we here about how "great" he is or how "beautiful" she is.
May we realize that what we have and what we've been given is enough. May we go back to the moment when we realized He was the One and as we do recommit our lives to living sold out to him. And may we see our relationships to God and others in a new light refusing to allow misplaced expectations from extinguishing our flame.
"Um, excuse me, sir, but everyone has left, and we really do need to lock up."
The younger couples, on the other hand, are animated with arms and elbows flailing as they want the love of their life to get the full visual of their story. They’re wide-eyed and bushy-tailed like they've trained for months for this night. With endless discussion, ice-breakers, and team-building exercises the night is never long enough for this couple. After dessert they’re checking out the breakfast menu. There isn’t any relaxing going on in this booth. They usually have at least one of their body parts in contact with the other and it’s not surprising to see a game of Twister or a make-out session happen before your very eyes.
Now, the middlers (as I like to call them) are those who are somewhere in between 10-20 years of marriage. They aren't in the young wild stallion love or old peaceful valley streams phase, so they're trying to figure out where they fit. Studying this couple can often be painful to watch, because you can sometimes see them fighting this in-between tension at the dinner date table. It almost seems like they're playing the "first one who makes a sound loses" game. You know the feeling of having to go to the bathroom really, really bad but you can't for whatever reason? But when you go...wow, pure happiness. It almost makes the wait worth it. Well, this experience is similar to what happens to a middler couple who receives a visit from their server or when the food comes. You can almost hear them groaning and laughing in relief as they see her coming to refill the water or when they pick up the fork to take a bite of the meatloaf. This couple actually seems to look for interruptions during their meal. They change all notifications on their phones to "all on" with special songs and alerts for each one - Email: Phil Collins' "Inside Out,"; Phone call: Cricket Chirp; Text: "Taps," Facebook: Price is Right theme song, etc., etc. They look out the windows with a quiet desperation that a giant bird will come crashing through or that a man will try to go through them like in the Windex commercials.
Maybe you could relate to one of these couples or maybe not. Maybe you're that couple that's been married for 15 years and you have a hard time connecting like you did when you were first married or maybe you're still spinning the arrow and crossing your arms after dessert. In any case, I believe the health of our marriage is a good indicator of the health of our marriage to God. That makes it vitally important to work on what needs worked on and not ignore it or look for the distractions. I think many of us have grown bored with God, and we're playing that game of not speaking. We keep doing the occasional date, because that's what we're supposed to do. We keep doing the weekend church thing, and maybe even the once-a-month volunteer thing, but it's not helping our indifference and apathy toward Him and what's important to Him.
Jesus to the church in Ephesus-
"But you walked away from your first love—why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall! "Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste..." Revelation 2:4-5 (Message)
So how do we change? How can we look at him the way we did back when we were first introduced...when we said, "I do?" How can we get to the place where He's what matters most, where the vows are something we believe we can live out? I believe we must go back to the place where He swept us off our feet, where we realized He was the One. I think what happens in our relationships with our spouses happens in our relationship with God. We place expectations that shouldn't and can't be carried out by those we love most, and when they don't come through, we hold on to it. And before long, they aren't who we thought or wanted or expected them to be.
God is always at the table and He's never distracted.
So, what if you had a dinner date with God? What would I see as I studied your table? What phase are you in, in your marriage with him? Are you re-setting your phone settings, staring out the window, looking for your food? Or are you so focused on His eyes and what He's going to say that you can't see or hear anything else? Because I can guarantee that there are going to be others in that restaurant wishing they were at your table.
The devil wants us to believe that there is something, someone better at another table, someone more suitable to us and what we want. It's the same lie that's dangled in our faces when we're sitting in our friends' nicer and bigger house or when we here about how "great" he is or how "beautiful" she is.
May we realize that what we have and what we've been given is enough. May we go back to the moment when we realized He was the One and as we do recommit our lives to living sold out to him. And may we see our relationships to God and others in a new light refusing to allow misplaced expectations from extinguishing our flame.
"Um, excuse me, sir, but everyone has left, and we really do need to lock up."
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